AH, we can all breathe now.

This is my favorite picture, although it isn't the best. I love how Noah is watching so closely to see what comes out of the box on Christmas Eve.

here is Noah on Christmas day, see the snow in the background!

Christmas bath

The bros before Peter left.

Well Christmas has come and gone.

We all survived, Peter made it to Seattle after a 2 1/2 hour delay... too bad I didn't still have friends in Alameda :( Noah and I drove around and checked out the Christmas lights. After that, we went over the Bay Bridge and hung out in San Fran for a bit, sadly it was too late to get a Santa picture but Noah loved the lights and the people, it really was a good time. Christmas Eve was low key, Jay had to work all day but we had yummy dinner with Charlene, Noah got to open a gift, I threw my back out and then we went to Christmas Tree Lane and had McDonalds ice cream! Christmas morning my mom called, forgetting the time change, to see if Noah liked his gift from her. Of course mom sent the gift to the wrong address! I was able to get it, my back of course was killing me and I was very grumpy, but I felt better when I found it untouched at our old house (nobody had moved in yet and the UPS person tucked on the porch out of sight!). Noah did like the stuffed dog she sent him!! Following that excitement we hooked up with the Husselsteins and went east into the foothills looking for snow! After a proper snowball exchange we all had breakfast at Denny's in Sonora. Noah's first Christmas wrapped up at his Aunt Joanne's where we had dinner and Noah opened his other gifts, rather all of us opened his gifts for him and he partied with his cousin Joey.

I have to say, it was a pretty good Christmas!

chunkums

Eating at the Magnolia Saloon in Coulterville, CA

Noah went to the Doctor and weighed in at 24lb 6oz and measured 30in. He had his second flu shot, DIDN'T CRY! W.O.W.

We are gearing up for Christmas, listening to the music on SomaFM, going down Christmas Tree Lane (a residential street with no Grinches, everyone lights up, a Turlock tradition), we are going to get our Santa pics on Tuesday in San Fran when we bring Peter to the airport (he's flying north to Seattle to be with his mom's family), what we are missing is the snow, everyone else seems to be getting it.

Today we went up to Lake McClure, of course I didn't have a camera but it was amazing. You can see the waterline as it diminished over the years and it is a little mind boggling to imagine all that land underwater. There were parts of the road that looked like they just ended, where the hill crested and dropped off, it was a bit unnerving. It was a nice time to go, not alot of people were around.

I will now try to post some photos

Noah thinks he is the BOMB

Noah is pointing to the light telling me all about it. He is showing me my teeth and his, he now has 6! He may infact be pooping this very second. He is telling me how much he needs the computer right now.
This is Noah's first Christmas, lean times, thank God he won't remember! He is a very special little person and deserves all the best in the world. As a mother I am conflicted. That is all I can say about that.
Now, Noah, at 11 months throws the BEST temper tantrums! Red faced, screaming, head on the floor, check to see if you are watching kinds of temper tantrums. He is no longer on a bottle and will have to say good bye to the Binky soon. Poor little guy.
Well he is not happy I must go.

arrrggghh

Well tomorrow is my last day in CT. Noah has enjoyed himself. He has met so many new people, most of whom came to him. We didn't go anywhere exciting.

I feel really strange, almost like my life is suspended. I don't want to leave and I don't want to stay. I feel like I don't belong here or where I am going. What makes it tough too is the fact that all of this, what I am feeling, could be physiological.

I just sat here for 30 minutes waiting for a video to upload, needless to say, it didn't. Annoying!

Here is Video of Noah with Big Cat at the Children's Museum

Thanksgiving

On the eve of my favorite holiday I feel compelled to write a gratitude list.

1. Through a surreal chain of events, on January 3rd of 2008 I "gave birth" to an amazing human being, Noah. It is a miracle that we both survived! I don't know what I did to deserve such a exceptional child. He meets all his developmental milestones, sometimes early, he is healthy, strong, bright and beautiful. Noah has a engaging personality, a sense of humor and an insatiable curiosity. I couldn't be more proud of him!

2. Jay and I have survived as a couple through countless tests, disappointments, frustrations, scares and we still love each other, possibly more now then ever! In my eyes he is my Prince Charming. He is a wonderful father and a kind hearted man. He works hard and helps others. I don't want to embarrass him so I will stop now!

3. I have an amazing and supportive family, I look forward to spending time with them. They have always loved me unconditionally. They are at times bizarre, but relatively sane.

4. I am not living in my car. I can not stress this one enough!

5. My step-son doesn't hate me, I think he might actually like me a little bit. Also, Peter is a great kid.

6. I am actually grateful that I am not working, while I don't like poverty I will never regret staying home with Noah his first year! He still manages to have everything he needs. People in his life are very generous.

7. I got all my paper work in for school, before it was due!

8. I have friends who are way cooler, more successful and more interesting than me and they still want to talk to me!

9. I am making friends in Turlock.

10. Most importantly~ I still haven't had a drink! Thank God.

While my life isn't what I thought it should be at 32 I am, nonetheless, grateful. I have lived a lot of life in this short time. I look forward to what tomorrow may bring.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Wild times

Noah and I are having alot of fun in CT. Here you can see him enjoying dinner at Grandpa Peter's house. He has been doing tons of socializing, meeting some of my old friends. It is incredible how some friends you can just see and feel like no time has passed at all. The weather is SOOOOO cold and it isn't even winter yet. I am reminded again of why I moved to California. While CT will always be my home, going to Cali finally feels like going home too!

My brother just had another nephew, last night. So congrats to him!

Well nothing much exciting. Noah requires my attention. more later.

Noah the Stud

Helping Grandpa fix the stove

Being coy

Doing what he does best!

Waiting for the mail!

Noah is well loved!

Noah is having such a blast with all his family in CT. He has done really well adjusting to the time change, he is now on east coast time. It is cold so he has to be bundled up, which makes him even more handsome. He is showing some separation anxiety, which is new, being in a strange place. He has also demonstrated his temper, he pitched a fit when I took the phone from him tonight. It is sad, he gets so excited when he sees the phone and starts chanting DADADA. He misses his daddy. Sometimes it sounds like he is saying actual words lately. Hey Lady, Doggy and Grandpa are some of the ones he imitated in syllable and intonation. Everyone is trying to teach him something! It will be interesting to see what he learns over the coming weeks. Jay and Peter are hoping he holds off on walking, I think that he is too fat to even start yet!

Well we have to stay rested, we have alot of visiting to do. Today he met Cherie for the first time.... I will post pictures later, I am on my dad's laptop and don't have my camera with me.

More later.

xo

What A Wonderful Son

Here Noah is smiling for the camera, boogers and all! He is so sweet. He has had a yucky cold. We went today to follow up with his Doc, he has been wheezing for the last several months, on and off the inhaler, etc. While there she discovered he developed an ear infection in the past week. We would have never known, he is so mellow and happy all the time, even sick. I am of course freaked out about the wheezing thing. She has him on his inhaler qid now instead of prn. He hates it so much... plus his saline drop in his nose. He gets MAD. This has been going on since this summer, plus he does this weird thing when he is sleeping, like he is gasping for breath. I hope his brain isn't oxygen deprived, he doesn't need any setbacks with his ADD gene pool!! Anyway, I am trying not to be alarmist, I am personally a total hypochondriac and I don't want to impose my neurosis on him, BUT. Of course his doctor is somewhat of an alarmist herself. She wanted him to have an ultrasound on his testicles on what was simply a bruise.

So he will get his treatments for a week. I need to start documenting any sleep interruptions and possibly record his "episodes" for the doc to hear. In the meantime she is setting him up with an appointment at Stanford, which I am very pleased about, no hack valley docs. He will be seen by a pulmonary specialist, IF it needs to go that far. Let's hope this is all just chest congestion from his cold!!!

Noah and I will be in CT for Thanksgiving, and sadly daddy's 35th birthday. More later

xo me

Happy Halloween

joey holding noah

peter and noah

~all the boys~

Noah enjoyed his first Halloween, nothing about it bothered him. He is such a trooper.

more later

happier times ahead

Well Halloween is coming and Noah will be wearing something passed on to him from his cousin Joey... Pictures will be posted!!

I have been rejected from yet another potential employer but now I am sure that it is simply a matter of having to compete with people way more, the job market here is saturated and I have been out of work for a year and a half already. a good time to further my education I guess.

As you all may know Jay and I are back at 4077 so no time like the present to leave town to CT!!!! Noah and I will leave on Nov. 14. Yippie!

Noah had his check-up this week. He is 23.12 lbs and 28". He hasn't done anything new since last post, he is much more confined in our current living situation and I am afraid that it may set him back a little. we will see.

the doc wants him off the pacifier and the bottle, time to start weening. he had a flu shot and a flouride treatment and was an angel! no concerns, except she measured his head twice and i freaked out, i asked if it wasn't growing as it should and she said that wasn't an issue, it is actually on the bigger side.

i am working hard to get to a place where we aren't under constant stress... it is bad for all of us and i am full of guilt because I think it has already taken so much away from Noah. He will be fine. This just isn't what I had planned. oh well. like i said happier times ahead.

ah happy times

baby noah

brothers

well we are out of our place and back in with Jay's mom. we don't have a room yet, already a week, so Jay has been stuck sleeping on the floor.

I have been getting interviews but no offers. No worries. When I am supposed to work, I will have a job.

Noah has been having a hard time with adjusting, he has been crankier and try as I may to keep him on a schedule it is near impossible. poor little guy. other than that he is moving right along, he climbs the playscape at the park to get to the slide. he will be playing while standing against something and let go, to stand independently, he doesn't know what he is doing, but he is getting there. he is such a beefcake, it is a riot. he is now saying dada in addition to mama and baba.

well halloween is coming! hopefully he will dress up, we will see!

fuck it

Peter doing the "creepy old man", hilarious
Noah eating the crib

i have to get my shit together before i lose my mind. thank god i am making some friends around here. i am stuck in the house too much too often. i miss my family so much.

sometimes running away seems so romantic.

oh sleep

Noah and Joey

When Noah is shirtless Joey wants to be shirtless, when Noah is only wearing a diaper Joey wants the same! They are so funny to watch, Noah adores Joey.
Noah is sleeping better at night. I remember this happening before. It was when he wasn't feeling well in CT. I love that he is sleeping but not if he has to be sick. It seems as though he never wants to sleep, just stay up and perfect all of his newly aquired skills.

mr. noah

Poor little guy has a cold. He has a cute raspy voice and a runny nose. I am happy to report he is able to get himself down to the ground after he is bored standing. Now he doesn't scream when he gets stuck. If anyone has seen mr. deeds and remembers the butler, Noah is like him. Very very sneaky. He will appear out of nowhere. It is a total trip. He has been having a blast with his cousin Joey, they chase eachother all over the house, laughing and squealing! It is so cute. He is clapping, waving and stood all by himself for about 3 seconds the other day! He is working up to walking, he will let go of one piece of furniture to grab for another. He has started to get clingy, maybe because he isn't feeling well. I can't report more because I have to go chase him around now!!

things happen too fast

i know this picture is terrible, it just highlights his legs so well!!!

the little booger is climbing the stairs and he has figured a way to safely get off the couch... things are getting dangerous. he is such a stud. i love him. joey is talking to me about his pirate shirt. gotta go

Noah at 7 Months

I don't think these need any explanation.....

I know I am not a HORRID mother....

Noah is known around town as a VERY HAPPY BABY. I personally believe that his disposition is a function of nature and not so much nurture.... OK I have a little to do with it. He is very good out in public for me and an animal at home, which is fine with me, it makes me look like I might know what I am doing. I have spoiled him though. He really enjoys a good cuddle and sometimes insists on one to fall asleep. He is working on the sippy cup, well I need to be. I want him to have it during the day but he doesn't always go for it. He is so mobile which is great except when he gets himself up in the crib, on the coffee table or couch and can't get down. Then he WHINES. It is crazy making.





Peter is taking violin in band which he seems excited about. Although everything pales in comparison to Halo. I am so blessed he is such a good boy because step parenting is THE hardest thing I have ever done. I had the pleasure of meeting his mother a couple of weeks ago and she really is a sweetheart and Peter ADORES her which is so wonderful. He has such fantastic adventures when he visits her in Alaska.





Jay and I are pressing on through the tough times and I have to say he is the love of my life. (that doesn't say much for me lol) I hate the struggles we are having. If he were anyone else I wouldn't survive them but there is such profound love, at least on my part, I am strangely content. (Love you J)





Now, TV. Million dollar listing has been even more entertaining than Project runway, sad isn't it. I am in love with Flipping Out, all Bravo shows. I could watch them over and over and now they brought back Top Design.... not the best but some truly detestable characters! Waiting for the return of Reno 911, this season was a little disappointing. They need to do a Tacos, Tacos, Tacos off shoot featuring Nick Swardson....That would be the apex of television bliss! I watch Reality Bites Back faithfully... it needs some perfecting but hilarious content. I just wish Arrested Development was still on, at least repeats. Someone should pick it up.





and now for what you have all been waiting for








Here is a photo of three very underwhelmed boys out in 100* heat at Castle Airforce Base about a month ago.....

My Cousins, their children and my Great Grandma while we were in Florida

things are crazy

i think now i should be able to keep up with this now! we are finally online at home.
important news. noah has sprouted two teeth and is crawling all over the house. he continues to stand on his own and he likes to move the chairs across the kitchen floor! jay is starting a new job and i continue to look for work, arrgh. turlock is finally growing on me. i never thought the day would come.... hahahahah. ok peter is hovering and rushing me so he gets the computer, till 9. talk to you all later.

ok after a whirlwind tour....

Noah swam in three different pools! he had his feet in the atlantic ocean and the gulf of mexico. he saw gators, bats, sand, swamp, met great great grandma, great grandparents, grandparents, aunts uncles tons on family! since my last post Noah is grabbing his bottle from me, getting himself to the coffee table to pull up and stand, he "walks" when holding our fingers, he can sit himself up, move himself to point a to b! he is so active, it is incredible. he isn't crawling per se, he does this thing where he stands up on his legs and hops forward, such a ham. he is over 20 lbs. no teeth yet.

things are starting to improve for jay and i, things are still tough but getting better slowly! i have to go eat. more pics soon, check me on facebook and myspace for all the current pics!

Can I get a WHAT WHAT?

Noah having Dinner, Lil' Nac fed him
Noah being held by Aunt Becky

we made it in one piece after over 12 hours of gruelling travel. Noah was great on the plane, he got fussy when he was hungry, tired or bored. no unstoppable crying, of course the trip was much longer than i remembered it being.



Noah is dealing with the time change, by not changing with it... he is drooling all over grandpa right now!!



he met his Great Grandpa, GranJan, Uncle A, Aunt Kim, Aunt Becky, Big Mitch and Lil' Nanc, Stuce, Kathy, Janet and the Youngs!! He was very charming and the center of attention even though we were celebrating the GPAS 60th wedding anniversary.



Well I need sleep-



more later

Leaving for CT

Noah and I are gearing up to head east. Sadly he contracted a cold while at the doctors and he has passed to to Jay and I. We will be gone for 3 weeks, maybe more if we head to Florida after CT. I won't see Peter again until August :( He will undoubtedly have fun at his mom's.

Noah is otherwise great doing all the things that babies like to do. Typical male though, he is capable of picking up and holding his bottle and sippy cups, I've seen him do it, and yet all he wants is mom to do it for him. He is really starting to sit well by himself but only if I sit him down. I swear he is talking to me sometimes, he says ma, mmmm, hi... I am trying to incorporate signs to words but I haven't been very consistent. I feel like an asshole when I do them because they are made-up signs.

Well we need to rest up Noah is the guest of Honor at a soiree on Thursday. No new pics-

BTW- Spanky was in the Modesto Bee today!! What a superstar!

noah's update

joey and noah

well Noah is now 17 lbs 5 oz and is 25 1/2" while he is above average in weight he is not over weight. thank goodness! how embarassing would that be! he did very well with his shots! he screamed and as soon as i picked him up he stopped. what a trooper. although he has been miserable for the last couple of days since. the doctor says his teeth are right on the verge of popping through. i guess he just wants to eat more. his hair is getting long enough to be crazy which is cute, it sticks up all over the place. he isn't really doing anything new, i am still waiting for him to sit all by himself for more than 30 seconds.



while i am thrilled to be going east i am terrified to be traveling alone with him. especially now that he likes to squeal! we only have one stop which hopefully will be a good thing. we leave on wednesday so i will report in then.



even scarier, Peter is turning ten on saturday...he starts fifth grade in august!



gotta go....

our prince

looking oh so handsome at 5 months!

well he is all drool and rash but handsome none the less. we are looking forward to going to CT. Tomorrow he gets more shots and will be weighed, so more tomorrow!

just a cute but blurry picture taken sometime in April

Today Noah is 5 Months OLD!! WOW, last year this time I was pregnant and miserable. A year ago this month one of my oldest friends passed away. I mention this because I keep having these dreams that he is still alive and in California. He was supposed to come out here last July to start school in San Fran. I guess it takes me a while to grieve. Josh I miss you, I wonder where you are.

On a happy note Noah is well! His rash is clearing up on his neck, which is great, but his chin is pretty bad. What can you do? The boy salivates alot. I have to say, having him is THE best decision I have ever made. It is tough to keep him occupied all the time but watching him grow is the most amazing thing ever. He has a really great personality, he is so fun to be around! I remember hearing that babies where boring, that they didn't do anything intersesting. SOOOO NOT TRUE! Maybe because he is mine I find him so facinating, who knows.

I am looking for a job, I took a test last week to do Juvenile Corrections, pay is ok, good benefits, hours of course blow donkey balls. i will have to work weekends, holidays etc... but maybe i won't make the cut, i still have to interview, a background check like i am working in a Nuke plant and then get offered the job.... in the meantime i am getting in gear to go back to school! i don't know how this is going to work but as Tim Gunn says, "make it work".

i just finished a book by Alice McDermott, Child of my Heart. It was a quick easy read, not the best story ever but it took place on Long Island and it made me homesick-

well enough about me-

dad this one is for you

so daddy weighed the big boy tonight, Noah clocked in at roughly 18 lbs. he loves his food. he has a new and very annoying trick. He screams, not out of frustration or hunger, just for the hell of it. he thinks that it is hysterical! i don't of course. he has developed a horrid rash from all his drooling over the last month or so and needs tylenol in the night because he wakes up in such pain from what appears to be teething. he doesn't take his pacifier, so more sleeplessness nights for mom. his favorite game is trot trot to boston and his favorite toy is elephant, which has gone missing. he is coping. he has mastered rolling front to back, back to front, is nearly sitting unsupported and loves bouncing, he stands and then drops and pops up. i fear he will walk before he crawls, he has been supporting his weight on his legs pretty much since birth and he dislikes being on his stomach. he is now in size 3 diapers and wears 6-12 month clothes. he passes his toys from one hand to the other, uses the pincher grasp occasionally and loves to self feed, when he isn't lazy he holds his bottle, picks it up if he drops it and appears to be very bored hanging out with me all day. he loves to be in the action, he gets indignant if he is on the outskirts of whatever is going on. while he is not clingy he loves to be held and on the move with me. he is very social, smiles tons, loves to "talk" especially to his feet, grabs my nose, my mouth, my eyes, my shirt, whatever he can. i wish that i was more on the ball with documenting his "accomplishments" but life has been very stessful. we are making do. thank god for his aunt Joanne, without her he would be naked all the time! she gets him such adorable things, hats, shoes, outfits, sunglasses etc!

easy people

Noah enjoying his breakfast, he actively participates in his feedings!

Peter and Jay with Peter's Excellent Explorer Award.

well Jay and I have been wandering around the house aimlessly on Sunday nights now that Rock of Love II is over. Nothing was better than that sloppy man Brett Swapping spit with skanks from across the nation. what ever happened to the Pick up Artist? that was pretty awful TV to fill the void.





we did have a notable event take place this past weekend! Jay took me out in the Go-Cart, which was a blast. We were getting huge air in the park near our house just after dark until we discovered the right front tire had come apart from the axle. I guess too much air too hard will do that. as of now the cart is out of order. too bad.





also last week Peter was awarded an Excellent Explorer from Dennis Earl Elementary. One student from each classroom is nominated by their teacher. Peter was nominated because of his tremendous improvement in the classroom. Jay and I were so proud. Even Aunt Joanne and Joey were there!



Noah now weighs 15.1 lbs and is 24.5"! he is impossible to hold, he always wants to be on the move.

i am getting the hang of this so hopefully there will be more soon!

ok DAD

here is a link to myspace where i keep all my pictures! check it out.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=118967862

i am having a tough time with this blog- it is slow going.

my sweet angel